Aside from the "What are we having for Dinner?" daily debacle...there is another area of my marriage which is boggling my mind why my husband and I can't get on the same page lately.
Communication.
The miscommunication started mid-wedding planning about a year and a half ago. We rarely fought before that, even though we live in such a small 500 sq foot studio condo. We've been together 6 years this May and I'm still not a 100% sure how we got so off track with talking about important things and actually getting them done.
Additionally, I don't know how to get him to tell me things that specifically his mother tells him which will directly affect me. There is this game of "Did you tell her" that makes an appearance every time I see my mother-in-law. It's on-going and...
More importantly how do we get back on track????
I've tried a white board to display current events on the refrigerator. It's not as effective as I thought it would be. Talking after work just doesn't work - the days are too draining as of late. I tried having a meeting between him and I, which the term "meeting" scared the shit out of him so he was on the defense immediately. I tried putting cleaners all around the house for specific purposes to subtlety manipulate him to do things. I've also tried saying what I need from him in different ways...not effective because his complaint was "You do realize your just repeating the same thing a different way right?".
I do have to mention that my husband has adult A.D.D. and takes adderall to help him focus. I have a bad habit of just ranting and trying to cram as much as I can in 20 minutes conversation. This could pretty much boil down to by the time we are together talking our focus is shot to shit. Our attention spans are gone.
It seems our best time to talk about stuff is the 5-10 minutes before we leave for the day. Somehow I have to try to extend that to 10-15 minutes...or find another space of time where we are both willing and receptive of criticism. Maybe just write a list put it on the white board...Hmmm...It's a thought...
Sometimes you need a little help to find out what works for others...
How Do You Communicate With Your Significant Other?
I'd love to hear...
Additionally, I don't know how to get him to tell me things that specifically his mother tells him which will directly affect me. There is this game of "Did you tell her" that makes an appearance every time I see my mother-in-law. It's on-going and...
More importantly how do we get back on track????
I've tried a white board to display current events on the refrigerator. It's not as effective as I thought it would be. Talking after work just doesn't work - the days are too draining as of late. I tried having a meeting between him and I, which the term "meeting" scared the shit out of him so he was on the defense immediately. I tried putting cleaners all around the house for specific purposes to subtlety manipulate him to do things. I've also tried saying what I need from him in different ways...not effective because his complaint was "You do realize your just repeating the same thing a different way right?".
I do have to mention that my husband has adult A.D.D. and takes adderall to help him focus. I have a bad habit of just ranting and trying to cram as much as I can in 20 minutes conversation. This could pretty much boil down to by the time we are together talking our focus is shot to shit. Our attention spans are gone.
It seems our best time to talk about stuff is the 5-10 minutes before we leave for the day. Somehow I have to try to extend that to 10-15 minutes...or find another space of time where we are both willing and receptive of criticism. Maybe just write a list put it on the white board...Hmmm...It's a thought...
Sometimes you need a little help to find out what works for others...
How Do You Communicate With Your Significant Other?
I'd love to hear...
Movie stills from the Break-up movie.
*Please don't think we are breaking up! lol.
I just thought these movie stills looked apropiate for this post!*
Linking Up with these amazing bloggers today:
// Going the Distance // Plucky In Love //
My husband and I were long distance for almost three years of our relationship which forced us to communicate even when we didn't always feel like doing it, and that was probably the best thing for us. My best advice is to take some time out for the two of you to do something fun together. It sounds like you both have a lot going on and the little time you're getting to spend together is spent in frustration. I would suggest starting by using that 10 minutes of time you do have together to remind him of things he's doing right (and he can do the same for you) as opposed to the things you feel that he's doing wrong. It's so easy to focus on the negatives instead of the positives, but if you change your thinking for even a small part of your day I truly believe it will transfer into other aspects of your relationship! The better you two feel the more easier you might find it to work together as a couple, not against each other :)
ReplyDeleteI hope this helps!
great post - this is something I feel like everyone could work on! Thanks for linking up today! xo
ReplyDeleteI make sure to tell him things in advance, men seem to never do well with asking them to do something at this exact minute lol
ReplyDeleteFunny how it takes a bit to tell eachother things without arguments or miscommunication. My hubby and I talk early in the day as well about what is going on, or stress arises later. Thanks for visiting my post on "How to Earn and Income blogging with Low Pageviews and Followers." I loved reading about how you want to grow your blog, even make an income at some point. Thanks for coming by Melanie!
ReplyDeleteRachel xo
http://garaytreasures.com
This one is tough . . . I've been married 16 years and still feel like we need a crash course in communication. I'd say one of the best things is to make sure he knows when you appreciate him. And be sure to make time for fun . . . like have a date night where you don't talk about the laundry list of things that need covering. Whatever you do, just keep trying!
ReplyDelete